Reflections : A Tale of Two Incidents

Ladies and gentlemen, hope you have loads of cash stashed away in your suitcases. We are on our way to Las Vegas! So announced an old, graying Chinese guy with the typical smudged nose one can associate with the Chinese. After an afterthought, he paused, smiled, and resumed, "Since you guys are short of cash, we are diverting the bus to Los Angeles." An old gimmick, I mused.

The bus (CA Shuttle from San Francisco to Los Angeles) was loaded with Germans on a sightseeing trip, and they found this gimmick from the bus owner very amusing. There were big smiles all around. It somehow reminded me of an old Malayalam movie, 'Varavelppu,' where Mohanlal, enacting the bus owner, makes it a point to see that all his passengers are well taken care of.

I settled down in my seat with Mr. Jeffrey Archer for company. As the bus traversed through the narrow lanes in San Francisco, I found my thoughts drifting and found myself pondering over my current lifestyle. Here I am, in the US of A, traveling between two cities I had seen only in movies, wearing western clothes; an iPod tucked into my jeans, hair spiked up, with sunglasses on top. Was this the real me?

Nope...Nope...Nope...

Zoom...zoom...zoom...

The movie Goodfellas opens with a Robert De Niro narrative, "I have always wanted to be a gangster." I don't want to flick the line, but I had always wanted to be a 'temmadi' (Scoundrel). I still wish we had retained the recklessness of yesteryears where we dive into brawls without caring a bit about the consequences. Age, job, and responsibilities spoil us. A collage of fight sequences from college days started drifting in...

Awwwwwwwwwwww.........I was jolted awake from my daydreaming. The cry was from an American girl. There was this 10-member German gang, mostly young people sporting long tattoos, unshaven looks, and they were DRUNK.

When the bus started from San Francisco, I had noticed a bunch of them eyeing the hot American blonde. Well, she had played her part, swaggering her cute ass as she boarded the bus, much to the delight of the German boys. When you are young and drunk, it's natural for you to get reckless. So these guys had started to hit on the girl and made a feeble attempt at imitating an unbalanced fall and fell on the girl. She started screaming. It was only then I noticed the bald, bulging guy sitting next to the girl. He suddenly got up; his 6 ft 5-inch frame bent and face contorted with anger.

Oh God ...Here it goes..As I looked on intently at the proceedings, I found my thoughts wandering again...

Bangalore...Invitation Bar, Madiwala...A Wednesday...

Almost everyone was there. During my five years in Bangalore, I had seen through a plethora of friends. I don't quite recollect what was the reason for the celebration; guess it had something to do with boredom. Man, I really got drunk that day. By the time we came out of the bar, I resembled a spider; at least metaphorically.

Now Madiwala is a boarding point (bus) in Bangalore. The place was crowded with people impatiently awaiting their buses. Lolan (a friend who gets drunk drinking 30ml of alcohol) suddenly came up to me and said, "Aliya, those guys over there" (I had a blurred vision of some teenage boys standing in a corner) "are getting into a brawl with Thoma (a friend who does not get drunk even with a litre of alcohol)."

I remember looking at Thoma animatedly talking to some guys. I also remember walking up to Thoma and the teenagers, grabbing one of them by the neck, and giving him a slap. That's the last sane memory I have.

From what was narrated by friends the next day, it turned into a street fight with even the bystanders getting involved. The outside world would see it as a bunch of drunkards picking up a fight with some decent, hardworking, aspiring IT professionals who were minding their own business. I really wish people would see the other angle (the side of the villains).

You are coming out of a marathon drinking session with friends, and the brotherhood (bro as we call it now) is at its peak. So when you see your drunk friend getting bashed up, what do you do? Of course, you get involved.

There were some giants among this group (Vahad, Fahad), and that must have scared the crowd a little. The fight lasted five minutes and was more like playing kabaddi.

Anyway, long story short, I lost my 3-pavan gold necklace that day (some lucky bastard got that), got my nose smashed up, and I had to invent a story about how I lost my necklace to my mom for the umpteenth time.

Back to the bus in America...

NOTHING happened. The man (a relation, I suppose) gave a stare, and the boys stared down. I looked on eagerly. NOTHING...

You know, that's why I say, when there is a chance in your early 20s, fight it out. There are some things we need to get out of our system.

Cheers...

The 6 week diet plan for Indians

Alright, My secret is out in the open. It has been my life long ambition to sport a six pack and along the dreaded and torturous path of striving and starving for the same, I have conquered many demons, but it is definetely the famed six pack that has always beguiled me - though the quest for the same has seen me hit quite some low's in life.
It has been 3-4 years now since I have been possessed by this 'fitness' and feel-guilty attitude whenever I tend to indulge in some thing meaty or sweet that I finally feel that - this is it. It is either now or never. It was with this thought in mind, that I shared my secret ambition to my close friends over a weekend party, sipping some scotch and gobbling some oily beef fry with it. Maybe it was the delirious path to gluttony that awaited us in the next couple of weeks(a best friend buying a home with a pool, barbecue and a home theatre doesn't actually drive you to the gym every weekend) that resulted in almost the whole group saying - Yes dude, lets do. We will do a 6 week diet plan and get in shape for summer.

Since, I have been burdened with the task of creating a diet/exercise plan for the 6 member gang, I thought - let me write it up, maybe someone would find it useful in this digital age. So guys/gals here goes.

Now keep in mind - all the 6 members who are going to take part in this diet are Indian's - mainly from the souther end of India - Kerala. So you will find quite some references to beef and pork etc, no offenses meant to any other community.

Diet Plan - Week 1

Breakfast	4 egg whites or 3/4 cup egg white(liquid)	2 slices whole wheat bread OR 1 cup plain oats OR 1/2 cup brown rice	1 cup orange juice	1 cup fresh berries OR 1 cup grapefruit OR 1 apple
Snack 1	Non-Fat Greek Yogurt/25 Grams Whey Protein	1/4 Cup Raw Almonds	1 Glass water	1 cup grapes/carrots
Lunch	5 Ounces Grilled Chicken/Tuna/Salmon	Steamed Broccoli/Brown rice(1/4 cup)	1/2 cup sweet potato	1 cup water
Snack 2	25 Grams Whey Protein/1 whole egg	1 cup cucumber carrots/1 Cup Fat-Free Cottage Cheese
Dinner	5 ounces lean beef/lean tilapia/lean salmon	10 Asparagus - seasoned with coconut oil	1 cup water	1 cup fresh berries OR 1 cup grapefruit OR 1 apple

Workout Plan -
If you observe closely, you will find that the first week diet plan eliminates carbs entirely for dinner - that is the objective, because when the body finds itself short on carbs it will start looking for alternate sources of energy and that is when our sweet old friend who strives on our gluttonious streaks will be sought out and trashed - yes, you guessed it right. It is Mr FAT.
So the first week objective is to reduce carbs and burn fat. Stay hydrated by drinking lots of water.

We will be exercising 6 days a week and will rest for a day.
Out of the 6 days Men should be concentrating on low cardio, medium weights - high repetition exercises and the 8 min abs described in the women section below. Keep your weight training to under an hour.
Exercises
Monday - Chest/Biceps
Tuesday - Back/Triceps/Shoulders
Wed - Lower Back/Legs
Thursday - Traps, Chest, Biceps
Friday - Back, Shoulders

Women - Daily cardio for 30 min(Skipping, Elliptical, Jogging, Walking). Start doing the 8 min abs exercise as depicted in this video
Exercises -
Monday - Chest/Biceps
Tuesday - Back/Triceps/Shoulders
Wed - Lower Back/Legs
Thursday - Traps, Chest, Biceps
Friday - Back, Shoulders

Remember - Don't be a hero/heroine and try to match the artists in the workout video or you will fail miserably. The first objective should be to complete the 8 exercises - with whatever count you have tolerance to and gradually increase it over the 6 week span and at the end you should be able to complete the 8 min exercise.

PAIN is just WEAKNESS leaving the body. Sadly this is not a Quote by your fitness guru(and by the way that is me, in case you have forgotten), but by the famed body builder of all times - Mr Arnold.
Remember that quote each time you writhe, curse and crunch.

I am not putting in the diet plan for week 2, because - don't tell anyone this - showing all your cards upfront is not a good game plan (Quote by - Fitness guru). So your next week fitness and diet plan will be posted sometime on Friday next week.

This diet plan starts on June 2nd 2014 and will span 6 weeks and for the dumb header fitness follower  who has still not figured it out, you will see a 6 week diet and work plan updated in this same blog post 6 weeks from June 2nd(Pun intended)

After reading all the diet and workout plans, if you get the feeling that the fitness guru has flicked some of these from other fitness sites, now that's what I call INGRATITUDE and it will not be tolerated.

Cheers and remember the arnold quote -

Update - Ok, Week 1 went smooth - I now feel that any diet with meat/fish in it is quite acceptable.

So here is the plan for Week 2

Diet Plan - Week 2

Breakfast	4 egg whites or 3/4 cup egg white(liquid)OR 1 whole egg +	2 slices whole wheat bread OR 1 cup plain oats OR 1/2 cup brown rice	1 cup orange juice	1 cup fresh berries OR 1 cup grapefruit OR 1 apple
Snack 1	Non-Fat Greek Yogurt/25 Grams Whey Protein	1 Tbsp Almond butter/1/4 cup raw almond	1 cup unsweetened Almond milk	1 cup water
Lunch	5 Ounces Grilled Chicken/5 Ounces Tuna Fish	3 ounces Yams/Sweet Potato	1 cup green beans	1 cup water
Snack 2	25 Grams Whey Protein/1 whole egg	1 cup cucumber or  carrots/1 Cup Fat-Free Cottage Cheese
Dinner	4 ounces lean buffalo	10 Asparagus - seasoned with coconut oil/1 cup Brussels sprouts with 1 tbsp olive oil 1 Cup Brussel Sprouts	1 cup water	1 cup fresh berries OR 1 cup grapefruit OR 1 apple

BREAKFAST OPTIONS

option 1
1 Whole Egg	3/4 Cup Egg Whites	1/2 Raw Oats	1/2 Cup Fresh Berries
option 2
6 Egg Whites	1 Whole Egg	2 Slices Ezekiel Bread	1/2 Grapefruit
option 3
6 Egg Whites	1 Whole Egg	1/2 Cup Brown Rice	1 Small Apple

SNACK ONE OPTIONS

option 1
25 Grams Whey Protein	1 Cup Unsweetened Almond Milk	1 Tablespoon Almond Butter
option 2
8 Ounces Non-Fat Greek Yogurt	1/4 Cup Raw Almonds

LUNCH OPTIONS

option 1
5 Ounces Grilled Chicken	1 Cup Steamed Broccoli	1/2 Cup Mashed Sweet Potato	1/2 Tablespoon Olive Oil & Vinegar (optional dressing)
option 2
4 Ounces Low Sodium Turkey	2 Slices Ezekiel Bread	1/8 Cup Walnuts	Tomato/Spinach (add on to sandwich)
option 3
5 Ounces Tuna Fish	3 Ounces Yams or Sweet Potato	1 Cup Green Beans

SNACK TWO OPTIONS

option 1
25 Grams Whey Protein	1 Cup Unsweetened Coconut Milk	2 Teaspoons Flax Oil
option 2
1/4 Cup Hummus	1 Whole Hard-Boiled Egg	1/4 Sliced Cucumber

DINNER OPTIONS

option 1
5 Ounces Lean White Tilapia	2 Cups Kale Salds with Mixed Veggies	1 Tablespoon Olive Oil & Vinegar (optional dressing)
option 2
4 Ounce Lean Buffalo	10 Spears Asparagus	1 Tablespoon Coconut Oil
option 3
4 Ounces Atlantic Salmon	1 Cup Brussel Sprouts	1 Tablespoon Olive Oil

SNACK THREE OPTIONS

option 1
1 Cup Fat-Free Cottage Cheese	1/8 Cup Raw Almonds
option 2
25 Grams Whey Protein	1 Cup Unsweetened Almond Milk	1 Tablespoon Almond Butter

- See more at: http://www.mensfitness.com/nutrition/what-to-eat/built-for-the-beach-6-week-diet-plan#sthash.vr1ZKPwV.dpuf

Week 2 - Workout Plan
Disciples - This week, the fitness guru recommends circuit training along with your weight training. If you are not well-versed with that term, it means identifying a set of  approximately 10 machines and switching from one to the other without any rest in between. This will help you in sustaining a high heart rate, which in turn aids in burning more calories and decimates fat.

Weight Training - Along with the weekly routine exercises(refer above), you would also be doing the king of all exercises - SQUATS ; the target for this week is build core muscle strength

Women can target a squat count of 100 with a 15 lb resistance and men 3 sets(15 counts) with a resistance of 90lbs.

Week 3 - Workout Plan
Week 2 sort of carries over here. You can continue the same routine as in Week 2, the only exception being that you do have to include a "Fruit" diet day - any one day of the week.
Yes,  it is difficult - but it does give you the desired result, a alb loss in a day, provided you stick to it the whole day

Weight Training - Heavy weights this week for the men and cardio, skipping and rock climbing for the ladies.

Good luck team

Yours,
Fitness Guru

Dear Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar,

The, The, THE biggest influence in my life; that's what you were to me, dear Sachin till a few days back, when a so-called Vahad Siddique hailing from north Kerala went ahead and called you a RICH SHIT.
Now you may ask me, who is this Vahad? Why does it bother you if he calls me a Rich Shit? Does that change the equation between us? Have I not entertained you throughout my career, have I not lived for you, have I not had a poise that carried the Indian cricket team through the various allegations spanning match-fixing, bribery, and scandals. Have I not helped you live the Great Indian Dream with my life as an example.
Yes, Sachin, a 10000 'likes' for that; I won't deny any of those, and you are my idol, and I am not disowning you; it is just that I would like you to UNDERSTAND when I reach out to Vahad Siddique and say .."Sorry my friend."
There are friends, good friends, and best friends and I won't categorize Vahad Siddique as he falls in a different league. To be frank Sachin, you don't befriend a Vahad Siddique often; he is just like you my idol, an entertainer, a philosopher and if you play cricket, his 'moothappa' may have invented cricket...
To cut it short Sachin, we have stood by each other during up's and downs, and today we have fought over you, and with all your magnanimity, please do forgive me because he is too dear a friend to me.

Your greatest fan,
Pappan

A Reminder

To my married friends... A reminder

A Saturday morning 2000 - Venue - CUSAT, Cochin

Wake up with a hangover, bodies sprawled across; 'lolan' in the bathroom; a porn flick in the computer; beedi smell in the air; plans to borrow money from juniors; plans to eat at Edapally Palli or Town Hall (free food); plans to visit CP(bar) with a plethora of like-minded friends, a game of cricket or football(maybe), some political gimmick planning etc etc

A Saturday morning 2010 - Venue -Bachelor haven (934), Bangalore

Bad hangover, smelly room, bodies sprawled across, 'JD' in the bathroom, ice and bottles in the fridge, plans to visit forum (babe watch), plans to visit Le Meridien for their unlimited alcohol buffet, visitors at 2am(with cigarettes and liquor, sometimes with lathi and jeep)

A Saturday morning 2011 - Venue - My Apartment

Wake up afresh, clean room, wife nearby, dosa batter, milk, etc in the fridge, plans to visit the temple, plans to watch a movie followed by washing plates.

Well, we signed up for this. Don't we... :) All the best my married friends.

Lov,

Pappan

My Career - The Initial Stages

* A series - about my jobs, my acquaintances, life in different metros, friends, girlfriends, incidents and in short, my life till now.

I remember the date vividly. It was March 23rd, 2004 and I was all set to join Syntel India Ltd in Pune as an Associate Software Engineer. Going down the memory lane, I still remember how perplexed and confused I was at that stage. Now let me make this very clear. I studied Btech in Cochin University. To be specific - Bachelor of Technology in Information Technology. But sadly, a year after graduating from college I still didn't understand computers, forget Java, C ... etc.

I was a happy, go-lucky marketing professional with Standard Chartered Bank. I had joined the bank as a Business Development Professional immediately after college. Though the salary was meager (3000 if you achieve targets, else...forget it.), I made in-numerous friends in and around Cochin.

I had befriended a lot of locals during my tenure at the bank and through them, a lot of loving warm hearted people and a lot of bullies too :)

A typical day in my marketing life is as below -

• 8am - get up (if the hangover isn't bad)
• 9am - Report to the office(wearing neatly ironed dress and a tie)
• 9 - 9.30 - Hear nice things from my boss about my dad, grandfather and more in my family lineage
• 10.00 am - Start work (Play rummy with my fellow associates atop Pioneer towers, Marine Drive)
• 10-11.30am - Hard Work(Above activity continues)
• 12pm - Lunch at any place that offers it for less than 10 Rs.
• 1-3pm - Stationery hard work(Sleep at a colleagues place)
• 5 pm - Arrive at the office after ruffling my clothes and hair to resemble a hard-working professional
• 6 pm - 7pm- Meeting with my boss and a bunch of losers.
• 7pm - 9pm - Some bar (With colleagues or my boss, bitching about the other group)
• 10pm - Knock Out.

Now amidst all this, I mastered the so-called art named marketing. Between giving presentations to business teams in different companies to being overwhelmed by the love and affection showered on me by the newly made acquaintances, I did learn marketing.

I worked in the liabilities section of Standard Chartered Bank, and my job involved procuring savings accounts for the bank. No mean task because the account opening amount in SCB was Rs 10,000 at that time.

On non-hard working days, I would walk to random offices or shops and say
"Excuse me, sir, I am from Standard Chartered Bank, Can I have a few minutes of your time? " (In English and Malayalam. Circumstances have even forced me to try out Tamil ).

The replies varied from "Get out before I call the cops" to a decent "Not interested, thank you.". Once a customer says, please have a seat, I will go for the kill.

The process is straightforward. I entrust upon the customer that banking with SCB enhances their social status. For those who don't fall for that gimmick, I use the seasoned marketing campaign(facilities, interest rates, etc.).

My customers in the bank varied from High Net Worth Individuals to butchers, waiters, etc....I love cochin and always will. What they say about Kochiites are 100% true

"You befriend Kochiites, and they will give their life for you". I don't want to mention the opposite scenario. I will narrate an incident that made me realize that.

Now there are some weeks where nothing goes your way, no matter how hard you try. On this particular day, I was exasperated with myself as I was short on accounts and dreaded going back to the bank and incurring my boss's wrath.

I was sitting in a coffee shop opposite my office thinking what to do when Ravi Chettan (head waiter) came across and asked me.

"Pappa" What bothers you?. Why are you so upset?"

I told him about my dilemma. He was quite aware of my predicaments. To live, commute and eat with just 3000 is tough and non-performance would lead to a cut in that amount.

He sat beside me and told. Da, I have 20000 Rs at home. I have kept it for my brother's daughters marriage. If you can return this amount within a week, I will lend you that amount. You go and start 2 accounts in my name.

I quite didn't know what to say. I found my throat getting dry and knew tears would spill out the next moment. Ok, come to my house tomorrow, and I will give you the cash. Ok? and he walked away.
For some, life is so uncomplicated...for others like me, best left unsaid.

So cutting a long story short, within 3 months I got a promotion. They put me on the bank payroll with a salary of 10k and asked me to lead the telemarketing team. What more could I ask for? An excellent salary(in 2002) and the honor of leading a bunch of beautiful girls... Itz a cool job, provided you have the flair.

It was during that time I attended the entrance exam conducted by Syntel at the behest of Thoma (my dear friend). Thanks to Satish, I cleared the exams :)

Now came the tricky part. Personal interview. The interviewer asked me 5 technical questions, and I happily skipped all of them.

"Why should we take you into Syntel. You don't even know the basics" the interviewer told me.

That's precisely the same question my boss at SCB asked me while recruiting me sir" I said...

I told him, Sir, give me a chance and I will prove my mettle.

The interviewer kept staring at me, so I continued.
Now I am a junior officer trainee at the bank...
He just sighed...
Any questions, he asked.

Will I get selected, sir ? He just shrugged...

Mar 21 - 2004

Well, things did work out, and here I am en route to Pune to kick start my career as a Software Engineer (God knows what that is..)


to be continued...

The longest 2 minutes in my life

Nov 27th 2009 will remain entrenched in my memories for a very long time. It was on this very day that a bunch of bachelors from 934 embarked on an eventful journey to kattappana in Idukki.

Protagonists - Srihari, Jayadevan, Gibu, Gifty and myself

Sabin Thomas a.k.a vals getting married...Oh god, thou do bless these sinners so much. Don't you hear my prayers? Anyway he was getting married to Elizabeth on Nov 29th and we started from bangalore on the 27th. Soban, sabins sweet brother told us that he has booked us the best seats available on the kattapana bus. When we arrived at the bus stop, we found out that in his terms... best = last.

Jd was quite pissed off when he found that we had to travel to kattappana hugging the rear seats. Since the boarding point, madivala was quite a fond place for the guys at 934, I didn't want to create a scene. Well it was easy to pacify Jd; mere mention of the convenience of drinking alcohol at the rear of the bus did him in.

Sabins sister, gifty was also accompanying us and she must have been quite amused by the time the journey ended. Drinking had started en-route to the bus stop and by the time the bus started from madivala all of us were on a high. Jd and hari were quite intent on pulling gifty's leg and made sure that she was still familiar with all her degree topics by questioning her on the same; she accepted all that with alacrity :)

Well I was very tired and just wanted to doze off. Since it was a sleeper bus, 3 of us had bunks; jd and gibu were quite content sitting by the window. I dozed off almost immediately and was soon accompanied by hari. Time was almost 11pm

Time - 2pm :

I woke up hearing a horrifying scream and found myself being hurled against the ceiling of the bus. I turned around and saw hari screaming and falling down from the bunker.

The whole bus was toppling and everybody were being thrown around.

Friends, I really saw death...... I mean, someone was telling me that your whole life flashes before you at that instant; well not quite, but close....

Suddenly the bus came to a halt and started tilting to one side. It was pitch dark outside and I couldn't see a thing. There were old ladies in the bus and they were screaming aloud. My mind was racing...have we fallen from a bridge? Are we going to drown? God help me..I prayed out loud....

All of a sudden the bus came to a standstill. The whole event may have happened in 2 minutes, but they were definitely the longest 2 minutes in my life.

The first thing I did was to check on hari. A loud groan from him confirmed that he was alive. I heard a familiar voice hurling out abuses and was relieved to find that jd was ok. Gifty and gibu were also fine and all of us heaved a sigh of relief.

People were still crying out aloud in the bus and it was sometime before all of us got out.

These are some of the pics hari took after the incident. The only thing that saved us was the fact that we were seated at the rear. Thanks Sobs, that really turned out to be blessing in disguise.

Well all the people who were seated upfront were injured seriously and we could see a lot of blood around. By the time we came out of the bus, they were moved to the hospital. There was chaos all around with some cranks trying to get into the "I will do everything mode".

A night patrol gave us a lift to the nearest tea shop and we did a bit of bus hopping and reached kattappana the next day.

To think that I almost risked my life attending this buggars marriage.... Mr sabin, are u listening? :)

Ps: I was browsing through haris orkut albums today and came across the pics. Thought I will share the details...

Reminiscence

There is a video attached to this post and that makes this virtually self explanatory. For those who are unfamiliar with the chauvinistic way of life at 934(home to a good number of mallu MCP's) an intro is required, especially to get attuned to the lead character in this video.

Vahad K Siddique a.k.a as Jihad was born into the rich, aristocratic, affluent Kiliamannil tharavadu in the historically prominent Malabar region in Kerala. 

Jihad is someone who is proud of his aristocratic background. He often regales us with stories of his family's close relationship with the viceroy and their important role in supporting the government in Kerala and preserving Muslim values in specific regions. He has an ingrained sense of entitlement and expects deference from those around him, a trait that has been passed down from generations of ancestors who held power over others.

Hailing from a privileged family he obviously graduated from the best university in Kerala(CUSAT). King-Maker, that’s what he calls himself, during his tenure at CUSAT. He was a force to reckon though. The SFI leaders from Cusat (99-2002 era) should be able to validate that claim.

Anyway coming back to the video, Jihad believes that all of lalettan's movies(chauvinistically tuned) have a marked resemblance to his character or personality. That belief is deeply instilled in his mind and he always entertains us by trying to enact some of Mohanlal's famous scenes. Here he is trying out the famous "Kanda aappa oopa rashatriya kaare kootu ...sdhalam mattikalayum onnum alla...Konnu kalayum njan" scene from Devasuram.

I was browsing though the videos in my mobile today and happened to come across this masterpiece, so thought of sharing this with the world. This happened some 1 year back...and to be true. this just made my day... :)

So ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, The Mangallasery Jindan..... :)

Love u jihad...